New Is Always Better...?

So says Barney Stinson. And the American people in 2008. But like all versions of democratic consensus, this mantra doesn't come without qualifications. Last night, I attended "Throwback Tuesday" as my first adventure to Kauffman Stadium of 2011, and watched the Royals drop their American League-worst 42nd game to the Arizona Diamondbacks, 7-2. The experience was as jarring as you would expect a retrospective housed in a newly renovated (for $250 million taxpayer dollars) stadium to be. The t-shirts handed out at the turnstiles featured the 60s-inspired Mr. Royal steam-pressed across the back (or, if-like me-you see a too uncanny resemblance to a human egg in Mr. Royal, a strange and abstract link to the Reagan Youth abstinence movement of the early 80s); a 1980s cover band played in the bar in left field (was a little Talking Heads too much to ask for, really?); concession prices ($2 small soft drinks and hot dogs) hearkened back to the early 90s (though, of course, beer still required a donation of a large portion of one's liver-an ironic bit of autonomous self-destruction in-and-of-itself); and the $7 outfield seats were, I suppose, a throwback to the mid-2000s, because Hy-Vee seats were still $5 well into my high school days.

Maybe I'm nitpicking a clear promotional move intended to get fans out on a Tuesday night for an interleague match-up against a team that is younger than Justin Bieber (the ploy worked, sort of-attendance was less than 50% of capacity, but much higher than the usual 12,000 the team manages to scrape together on average for weeknight home games). But last night indicated, to me, a team without a sense of its own historical identity. Picking and choosing what elements of the past the team wanted to play up to attract fans indicates, to me, a puzzling disconnect with the surprisingly strong historical roots of this franchise. Instead of the organist playing the tunes of the summer of '85 and beyond, I got some sort of attempt at Kings of Leon played over classic videoboard games like the baseball race around the fountains and the "What's the Call?" game that I remember vividly from my youth (when Frosty Malts cost less than a semester at Brown)
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Do you guys remember this? Yeah, neither do I. And I still didn't see any of it last night.
(Image by Allan Chow.)

All of the trappings of the new K, and of the new marketing strategy employed by the executives, seems to be geared toward one purpose-updating the baseball environment to take attention away from the product on the field. The Royals were one of the most successful franchises in baseball from their inception in 1969 to their World Series title in 1985. The city and the fans still remember this. Every year, when the Royals start well, an intoxicating level of excitement grips this town and its media. Yet, there always remains a sense of "when is this all going to go wrong"? It's kind of like hedging your bets on the latest Adam Sandler movie-you know it's going to ruin your evening, and somehow Steve Buscemi is going to be involved, but you're not quite sure when it's going to hit you. Last night's Steve Buscemi was Wily Mo Pena, whose name indicates he should be attempting to drop an anvil on the Road Runner instead of hitting a 400 foot blast that all but negates a stellar night at the plate from Alex Gordon.

There was nothing wrong with spending a gorgeous, mild Tuesday summer evening in Kansas City taking in a ball game. But new didn't mean better to me last night. Perhaps, for Kansas City fans, the message should be, "New is always mind-numbingly sensational." To use an anachronism (which seems especially poignant for this entry), the horses pulling the carriage won't make a lick of difference if that carriage is still a pumpkin. The fans deserve more than squash on the field. A lot of Royals (Gordon, Mike Moustakas, Eric Hosmer, Billy Butler) have bright futures ahead of them. Let's hope new starts to actually mean better, and the Royals can finally focus and merge their old, historical identities and that of this new team. I don't think I could stand a disco club in right-center next year.