At about this time last week, I was knee deep in a seven killstreak on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and clearing out Radscorpions in the Mojave Desert in Fallout: New Vegas. I had no interest, nor desire, to shell out five bucks at Gamestop to play the Gears of War 3 beta. Competitive multiplayer in previous Gears games had always been an exercise in frustrating futility for me. I took a Lancer chainsaw to the gut one too many times in the previous iterations, and as a result I have an oily-residue taste in my mouth for the game. So, when a friend tossed a beta code my way on Monday morning, I downloaded the trial version with a healthy dose of skepticism. My fears were realized immediately upon joining a game of Team Deathmatch. Sprinting for the ink grenades on Thrashball, I was stopped dead in my tracks by a Retro Lancer bayonet sticking me from behind. The gore was beautiful...the language that spilled out of my mouth as I threw my controller across the room in frustration was not.
Yet, as I continued playing, a funny thing happened. I started enjoying myself. And...I got good. I don't mean MLG good (I'm pretty sure a couple twelve year-olds had a headshot Gnasher field day with me on Thursday afternoon), but at least better than your average Grandma. As a result, this skeptic was turned into a believer. I'm definitely looking forward to the fall release date with just as much anticipation as that swelling for Modern Warfare 3 and Batman: Arkham City.
It's not all Milky Way fun-sizes and rainbows, however. There are still some major issues I found with the game. Hopefully Epic employees decide to troll moderately-successful (okay, disappointingly-obscure) blogs for some criticism on their product. If Gears of War 3 competitive multiplayer is going to hold my attention, I demand the following three tweaks:
1. Nerf the Gnasher! There's no reason I should be downed from fifteen feet away with a shotgun that has half the range (on the statistics page) of the Lancer. The addition of the Sawed-Off shotgun, with maximum damage but limited range and increased to levels of absurdity reload time, makes close quarters combat a more interesting affair with two styles of play dependent upon the kind of shotgun. When you make the Gnasher as effective as the Sawed-Off within five feet, however, you negate the subtle nuances you're trying to introduce to the standard roll and fire gameplay. Nerf the Gnasher slightly (you can keep the stupid amount of headshot detection the gun seems to possess!) and you'll make CQC way more entertaining and cerebral.
2. Fix the spawns in Capture the Leader! Thrashball, Trenches, and Checkout all have inexcusable spawn shifts once the leader has been taken as a meatshield. There's no reason five members of the opposing team should spawn directly behind the guy that just made the capture. Even if you have to add additional spawn points at certain areas around the map, in the open, specifically for the CTL game mode, it will be better than having the timer click down to 4-5 seconds and seeing Marcus and the calvary magically appear in the perfect position to stick a Lancer bayonet in your backside.
3. Make the Hammer of Dawn an overtime-only weapon! I mean, seriously, on Trenches the team that can take the Hammer gets a match win probably 85-90% of the time. The first thirty seconds of every match I played on the map from Friday on consisted of every member of the opposing teams sprinting to the middle, wildly blasting their shotguns, and a big pile of human and Locust debris lying everywhere. Normally, really awesome. But once that Hammer was acquired, the rest of the match turned into, DUCK AND COVER! I counted the number of wood splinters on the scaffolding near the spawn on Trenches. 1,273. Count them. They're there. Simply change the spawn time for the Hammer to the end of the round, when there is a clear stalemate going on. That will cause the same amount of chaos, but at the end of the match and keep people from bunkering down in the late stages of a CTL match.
There you have it. My statistical, scientific analysis of a game that encourages you to curb stomp your enemy. I always knew I was destined for greatness. If these changes were to occur, competitive multiplayer could be the cream cheese icing on the delicious cake of gaming awesomeness that Gears of War 3 should be. I've got my fork and dessert bib ready.
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