The best of everything 2012

They've done it.

The New Yorker, in a maddening meta move bound to get your Inception-sense tingling, released a list of the greatest lists on Wednesday. Judging by its placement in Shouts & Murmurs, I'm going to give the magazine the benefit of the doubt and assume this is a wonderfully satirical look at our obsession with creating lists at the end of the year. And not an exercise in forcing my brain to do seven backflips in a row.

Exponentially confounding indices aside, it certainly has been a great year for — well, pretty much everything. I mean, we're still standing here after December 21, so we must've done something right, right? Even though I have several pop culture adventures yet to go on before the clock strikes midnight next Tuesday, I've compiled my favorite things of the past 361 days. Don't go looking under your chair though, Oprah fans. There's no copy of "The Dark Knight Rises" waiting for you.

Favorite news item:

Higgs Boson found

It wasn't the sexiest story of the year. I mean, what could be sexy about a bunch of scientists in a Swiss bunker pursuing the so-called "God particle" by shooting lasers at each other. Actually, that does sound really cool, when you stop to think about it...

What really made the story interesting and my favorite of the year, though, was the attempts by lay journalists to explain what a Higgs boson was. Some failed miserably — and hilariously.

It was also nice to see those billions of dollars actually produce something. Even if it only lasted as long as it takes that impulse of dread to shoot up your spine when you see the bill for the project and the number of countries now in crippling economic straits. But enough of that, this is a best of list!

Favorite read:

"Snow Fall" by the New York Times' John Branch

It's not a story. It's not an infographic. It's not a photo gallery, nor is it a video or a GIS-powered map.

It's all of those things.

The New York Times, as only it can, combines brilliant narrative storytelling with all the bells and whistles the semantic web has to offer, and plops it down for readers, viewers, clickers to enjoy. It's a fascinating piece that is not only interesting in its own right, but shows the direction journalism is likely to go on the semantic web in a way only the most prestigious name in worldwide journalism could pull off.

And audiences responded. More than 3.5 million people have viewed the package as of this writing.

Favorite game:

You Don't Know Jack (Facebook)

There were so many triple-A titles on consoles this year. Black Ops 2. Halo 4. Assassin's Creed 3. Mass Effect 3. New Super Mario Bros. Wii.

And they all got outclassed by a free-to-play, Flash-based game.

You Don't Know Jack has always been a pleasure of mine. I love when the worlds of high and pop culture collide to create a serendipitous mess that questions you whether an item is a piece of Japanese origami or a position in the Kama Sutra. Putting it on Facebook, with new episodes to play every day, was just like sprinkling addictive drugs on a Chicago deep-dish style pizza.

The addition of themed episodes and iPod/Pad functionality only means good things in the coming year.

Favorite sports moment:

Kansas City fans boo Robinson Cano in 2012 Home Run Derby

WAAAAAH!

Here's why Kansas City fans booing Cano was awesome and not classless, as many East Coast-based sportswriters would have you believe:

1. Kansas City fans showed that, even in the midst of another losing season, they still cared about the game of baseball enough to make asses out of themselves on national TV.

2. A Yankee player was subjected to harsh criticism. You know, something they all experience daily from the New York media. Except it was Midwest-flavored.

3. Cano proceeded to go oh-fer after the rousing round of jeering.

Say what you will about the supposed importance of "tact" and "class" in a competition where the goal is to hit a ball over a fence, and that previous champions who were cheered breathlessly were actually steroid-popping cheaters. Watching Cano get what was coming to him was the highlight of an otherwise ho-hum All Star weekend.

Favorite movie: 

Moonrise Kingdom

I know, I know. It's really difficult for me to conceive a world where I don't put The Dark Knight Rises or The Avengers at the top of the list. And, likely, 2012 will be remembered as one of the peak years for the comic book renaissance that has been in full gear for the better part of a decade.

But Wes Anderson outclassed every other title released in 2012, with perhaps his most precocious and accessible film to date, populated with a brilliantly familiar ensemble cast, a fairy-tale like visual style, and another hauntingly beautiful soundtrack. Well done, Mr. Anderson. Well done.

Favorite album:

Fun. "Some Nights"

This was perhaps my toughest choice. I really wanted to give it to Mumford's spirited release "Babel," which follows up "Sigh No More" fearlessly with a bevy of tracks that are just as memorable. Ben Folds Five also released a wonderful comeback album, "The Sound of the Life and the Mind," that made it sound like 1998 in my car all over again.

But Fun hit a level of enthusiasm, catchiness, and lyrical genius that just doesn't let go for the entirety of the album. While the tremendously popular "We Are Young" made my mind dizzy by mid-March with its inundation of every popular radio station and PA system in my general vicinity, the quality of the rest of the album more than makes up for being subjected to replay hell.

Favorite show:

"Boardwalk Empire"

While I didn't love the finale, it's clear Boardwalk Empire, after the death of one of its major characters in Season 2, rebounded with a series-defining season over the past three months. Showrunner Terence Winter took Nucky Thompson to places it seemed inconceivable he'd go three years ago when the show premiered. There was an epic weight lent to the events onscreen, and the decision to crucially break with reality in certain instances left the impression the show could pivot in a heartbeat to unexpected and horrifying territory.

2012 also saw the appropriate end of House, a breathtaking freshman effort for The Newsroom, a lackluster calendar year for How I Met Your Mother, the autumn absence of Psych and a slew of...hmm...reality shows. So, let's not overstep the significance of my favoritism toward Boardwalk.

Oilcan J's Bowl Predictions 2012-2013

As a mild-mannered undergraduate, I began a tradition of making bowl season picks on games I knew absolutely nothing about. Which, I contend, is a practice engaged in every year by sports pundits who do the same. So enjoy another installment of an irregular tradition your family is sure not to care about around the table this holiday season.

Like Aunt Mildred's prune casserole, the bowl predictions return for an irregular holiday season. I'll confess to watching roughly three hours of uninebriated college football this season, which means I saw 2 hours and 58 minutes more of the sport in a cogent state of mind than Lou Holtz. I also missed the prestigious Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. My apologies to all tubors involved.

For now, sit back, knock back some egg nog and enjoy another unqualified clod telling you what to think about sports. Because I know you don't have nearly enough of that in your life.

Picks (winners in bold)

S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia

 BYU vs. San Diego State 

Beef 'O' Brady's St. Petersburg

Ball State vs. UCF

R+L Carriers New Orleans

East Carolina vs. Louisiana-Lafayette

MAACO Las Vegas

Washington vs. Boise State

Sheraton Hawaii

 Fresno State vs. SMU

Little Caesars Pizza

Western Kentucky vs. Central Michigan

Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman

San Jose State vs. Bowling Green

Belk

Cincinnati vs. Duke 

Bridgepoint Education Holiday

Baylor vs. UCLA

AdvoCare V100 Independence

Ohio vs. Louisiana-Monroe

Russell Athletic

Rutgers vs. Virginia Tech

Meineke Car Care of Texas

 Minnesota vs. Texas Tech

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces

 Rice vs. Air Force

New Era Pinstripe

West Virginia vs. Syracuse 

Kraft Fight Hunger

 Navy vs. Arizona State

Valero Alamo

 Texas vs. Oregon State

Buffalo Wild Wings

 TCU vs. Michigan State

Franklin American Mortgage Music City

 NC State vs. Vanderbilt

Hyundai Sun

USC vs. Georgia Tech

AutoZone Liberty

 Iowa State vs. Tulsa

Chick-fil-A

LSU vs. Clemson

TaxSlayer.com Gator

Mississippi State vs. Northwestern

Heart of Dallas

 Purdue vs. Oklahoma State

Outback

 South Carolina vs. Michigan

Capital One

Georgia vs. Nebraska

Rose Bowl Game presented by Vizio

Wisconsin vs. Stanford

Discover Orange

 Northern Illinois vs. Florida State

Allstate Sugar

 Louisville vs. Florida

Tostitos Fiesta

Oregon vs. Kansas State

AT&T Cotton

Texas A&M vs. Oklahoma

BBVA Compass

Pittsburgh vs. Ole Miss 

GoDaddy.com

Kent State vs. Arkansas State

Discover BCS National Championship

Notre Dame vs. Alabama 

Chekhov's Gun - The Secret to Comedy

There is an unsourced quote attributed to 19th century Russian author Anton Chekhov that goes something like this:

"If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there."

The quote has been in my head recently for a number of reasons. First, I read the delightful 1Q84 last winter break which made direct reference to Chekhov's rule, then deliberately broke it. Second, in my narrative writing class this semester it was used as an illustrative lesson in which details to include in our nonfiction writing.

And, third, it came to me as the reason Larry David is the modern king of comedy.

There are some who would disagree. David has been off the air for over a year now, the latest season of the fantastic HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm" airing at the tail end of 2011. He's at work on an HBO original movie at the moment, which will also feature Bill Hader, Jon Hamm, Danny McBride, Michael Keaton, Kate Hudson, Eva Mendes and Curb's "Leon," J.B. Smoove.

In other words, likely the funniest and sexiest thing you'll see on premium cable in the coming months. Well, at least if you shut your TV off before midnight.

What makes David's comedy so endearing? Is it the self-effacing characters? The insightful obliteration of societal norms? The ability to play with language?

No. The real reason is David understands Chekhov's gun and uses it to side-splitting effect.

Let's take an example from my favorite episode of Curb, "The Doll." The installment opens with Larry entering a theater. His doctor has told him he needs to drink more fluids, so he's carrying a water bottle. A woman, who he believes to be a worker, tells him no outside drink is allowed. So he throws the bottle out. When he realizes she's just another patron, a classic "Larry David moment" ensues — a shouting match in the middle of the movie theater.

The episode goes on. Larry cuts the hair off a doll's head for a friend's daughter, who doesn't realize it won't grow back. He's forced to take his friend/manager Jeff's daughter's doll and replace the head. But his wife, Susie, notices and implores Larry to return the doll's head, as only she can:



For any other series, Susie's revelation in the theater that she knows the doll's head has been stolen and used to replace her daughter's would be enough to close the episode. But David takes it one step further still, returning to the theater, water bottle tucked firmly in his pants pocket. Did I mention he also walked away from guarding an unlocked bathroom door for his wife, Sheryl, earlier in the episode? This all sets up the Chekhovian payoff, perhaps the finest example in a series rife with opportunity:


You can make the argument that Larry David's comedy doesn't mesh with your sense of humor. You can make the argument that Larry David's comedy dwells in the meaningless part of our social existence.

But you can't argue the guy lacks an appreciation for Chekhov.

Change in the Sofa-Boardwalk Empire, Season 3 and Finale Review

Hmm.

One syllable to sum up my thoughts at the end of last night's third season finale of acclaimed HBO period piece "Boardwalk Empire." In many ways, the third season represented for me the kind of slow-burn, promise-fulfilling sprawling narrative that fulfilled the promise the original trailers and promotional materials established.

Still gives me goosebumps.

In that first episode, so expertly crafted by Martin Scorcese, Jimmy Darmody tells Nucky Thompson, in an oft-quoted line, "You can't be half a gangster. Not anymore."

It wasn't until Season 3, when Nucky's empire is threatened by an outside force rivaling any other in terms of TV villainy, that we were treated to what this statement truly meant. Nucky, after murdering Jimmy, has no qualms about getting his hands dirty. And he gets them very dirty before the season draws to a close.

Where'd you learn to shoot like that, Nucky?

Count me among the skeptics after Jimmy's death. I thought he was the rock the show needed. Young, troubled and ambitious, Jimmy represented an American spirit that lent a human element to the other senseless killing that took place on-screen.

But Season 3 overcame Jimmy's absence and the series ascended to new heights in terms of storytelling and drama this year. That's why the finale falling flat perturbed me so much.

Several narrative threads were resolved adequately. And the show finally made the full leap into allegory with Nucky's carnation falling to the boardwalk in the final scene. But the writers left several characters in the lurch, and relied too often upon violence to make a point. In a series that has increasingly impressed with its creativity and cleverness, last night's episode felt like a dud.

When the episode did it right, though, it nailed it. Nucky and Eli's conversation over the busted radiator was perhaps the most interesting and sincere scene in a season filled with dynamic onscreen banter. We see a relationship that was in tatters at the beginning of the season — remember Micky picking up Eli at the prison — coalesce into something lasting. "OK, brother," Eli says in the car after Rosetti is put down. It's a moment that typifies their relationship, and shows that Eli has earned back Nucky's trust. It was a major plot point left over from the inner turmoil in Nucky's outfit from last season, and to see it end in that way was powerful.

Another bright spot was drawing the Lasky/Luciano heroin partnership to a close, tying the failed business venture to the intrigue going on between Joe Masseria, Arnold Rothstein and Nucky. Anatol Yusef's (Lasky) face, as Luciano apologizes for screwing up the deal, is priceless. To see him unhinged, then draw it back in when Luciano loses it to Rothstein, solidifies his position as someone to watch in the coming seasons. Especially considering the real Laskey's long and profitable career in graft.

Laskey is not impressed.

And finally, the political and social intrigue that has categorized this season reached a head. Stephen Root made one final important appearance in a season during which he has shined, revealing Rothstein fell into Nucky's trap by accepting ownership of the Pennsylvanian distillery. When Nucky told Rothstein, after he forsook him, that he would not forget this, you knew it was going to come back to bite even the mighty New York kingpin. It was nice to see, after several episodes of being on the run, Nucky return to his position as, in the words of Eli, "the man with all the angles." We'll have to wait until next season to see how the federal inquiry (and the fact that Masseria's men lie dead in a field in New Jersey) will impact their relationship with Nucky.

The bold narrative statement made in the closing minutes of the episode was also noteworthy, though I'm not sure I can classify it as a strength or a weakness yet. Boardwalk Empire has danced the line between symbolism and historical accuracy in the past. Season 3 brought the issue to a head, blowing up half of the boardwalk and forcing Nucky Thompson toward a much higher profile gangster lifestyle than his real-life counterpart, Nucky Johnson. It reflects the dichotomy showrunner Terence Winter has stated between the "look and feel of the show, which is as accurate as he can make it, and the content of the show, which is fiction."

Because it's fiction, Winter had a strong possibility for catharsis, which was completely destroyed in this episode by the interference of both Gillian and Harrow. For all the fanboy praise of Capone and Harrow's violence (one IGN commenter called Harrow's shootout the greatest few minutes in the history of television), it didn't amount to anything. We knew the side lurked in Harrow. We saw it in previous episodes, and up-close-and-personal in Manny Horvitz's retribution earlier this season. And we've seen Capone kill violently before, including a particularly grisly barroom scene earlier this season.

How much is too much?

Harrow's killing spree also sets up the ignominious end for Gyp Rosetti. Not at the hands of Nucky, whose life has been utterly destroyed by Rosetti and his association with Masseria, but a two-bit thug who was peeing himself in a closet. And he kills Rosetti while he's peeing. So ends one of the most interesting TV villains. But even he isn't given the shortest shrift in an underwhelming finale.

That distinction rests with Gillian Darmody, Gretchen Mol has played the character to creepy perfection for three seasons now. It was pretty clear that she was headed for a poetic end. But Winter decides to kill her at the hand of Rosetti, as she attempts to take his life in a manner similar to her real estate plot earlier in the season, itself a perfect example of the layered complexity that all Boardwalk characters have assumed in several seasons of development.

We're treated a wonderful seduction scene in which we finally see some strong, illuminating character development between Gyp and Gillian and their mutual hatred of themselves. All to realize that it's all a sham, with Gillian clandestinely (and poorly, I might add—her reversal of attitudes in his office was worse than a poker tell that she'd made up her mind to kill him to "save" Tommy) plotting to off Rosetti.

Not only that, but Winter can't resist one final attempt to drum up sympathy for a psychopath who's abducted her son's child (that may or may not be her own...yeah, I went there. There's no way you can forget that scene from Season 2; it's burned on my retinas). As she lies there, dying, Nucky approaches her during a hallucination of the night the Commodore impregnated her, probably with Jimmy, and thanks him for coming to save her. Well done, Mr. Winter. Don't let us forget that there's not a single character we can universally hate on your entire show.

This wouldn't be too bad if the storytelling were nuanced to reflect this complexity. The finest episodes of Boardwalk (the pilot, last season's aforementioned "Under God's Power She Fluorishes," in which we learn waaaaaay more about Jimmy and Gillian then we ever wanted to know through flashbacks, and this season's flawless "A Man, A Plan..." where we learn of Margaret's pregnancy with Slater's child only after he shows up dead in a box in the Thompson's suite) play with time and space, and give us multiple avenues for interpretation. Not so in this straightforward, 60-minute episode.

It's called a flashback, Mr. Winter. You have done it before, quite successfully.

And it's not even that straightforward. There are holes aplenty. What's happened to Van Alden, arguably the most interesting Boardwalk character of all, after his apprehension? How did Nucky return to power so quickly? How is Margaret dealing with her grief, aside from her visit to the abortionist? How has Chalky's allegiances impacted his family, and the African-American community in New Jersey? And what of the fallout in Washington with Jess Smith dead at his own hand?

This questions are even less important than the overarching question of, where do we go now? The end of Season 2 set up the perfect transition with Nucky assuming the mantle of a true gangster. This is Nucky's story, through and through, and has been since the beginning. But last night, the subsidiary stories overshadowed Nucky's plight. His confrontation of Margaret seemed trite and uninteresting, given her erratic acceptance of some of Nucky's vile ways but shocked hatred when he blurted out his murderous musings after a concussion. She's been just as unfaithful as he, but now seems unwilling to lead a life of more lies and deceit, though she knows she'll be safe that way?

While the carnation falling was significant, it came nowhere near the emotional significance of seeing Nucky put a bullet in Jimmy's head, Jimmy talking him through it all the while. And while it may be unfair to hold up this finale to a pivotal moment in the series' development so far, suffice to say the clear direction the show had after that moment has been tarnished. How much of this becomes a Chicago or New York-centric story? O'Banion's waiting in the wings in Chicago, setting up imminent mass chaos leading to the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre. And we know Rothstein (if history serves correctly) only has a few years left, too. With the news of Dennis Lahane joining Boardwalk's talented team of writers, it seems only likely the fanciful play with history will continue.

Spoiler alert: This didn't happen. Really.

The question after last night I'm left with, is do I care? Where does Nucky's next threat come from? And will it ever approach the brilliance or promise that Season 3 afforded, but could not deliver on?

Verdict: 2/5 stars