In defense of 'Vice City'

Heralded upon its release in 2002, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is a game that has a dubious honor I will call "the middle child syndrome."

Despite voice acting from Hollywood megastars like Ray Liotta (protagonist Tommy Vercetti), Burt Reynolds (real estate mogul Avery Carrington), NFL tough guy Lawrence Taylor (car salesman and former football pro BJ Smith), Dennis Hopper (porn movie auteur Steve Scott), Debbie Harry (taxi controller) and more, in the years since its release Vice City has been overshadowed by its predecessor GTA3, which rocketed the franchise into 3-D, and its follower San Andreas, heralded at the time for its massive, realistic world.

The high-definition era of Rockstar's signature franchise has revisited Liberty City and San Andreas, but never returned to the sandy, satiric shores of the GTA universe's Miami doppleganger. Some would argue that's because the pastels and excess that made sense in a game set in the 1980s wouldn't work with the new approach Rockstar has taken with the franchise. But many of those themes were present in Grand Theft Auto 5, set in southern California, and Michael De Santa was the closest thematically to Liotta's Vercetti that we've seen inhabiting the shoes of a GTA protagonist since 2002 (white man w/ ties to organized crime).

After achieving 100 percent completion in GTA3 recently, I fired up Vice City, a game I spent a lot of time with in the early 2000s both on my Playstation 2 and PC. The game's look and feel were immediate hooks, but many of the game's missions weren't as memorable as GTA3's were when I was replaying that game. At first, I thought this might be another reason Vice City gets lost in the shuffle of Rockstar's GTA history. But the truth is, it's because Vice City offers greater freedom, while at the same time funneling the player toward a satisfying conclusion to the main storyline, something that subsequent GTA games haven't been able to recapture.

An early mission in Vice City has you attending a yacht party thrown by Colonel Juan Cortez (voiced by 'Goonies' alumnus Robert Davi). At this party, you meet every character of consequence you'll see/work for later in the game: Carrington, Ricardo Diaz (Luis Guzman), Scott, Smith, members of the fictional rock group "Love Fist." Rockstar sets the table for the story of revenge and conquest you're about to embark on.

Then, the first portion of the game has you learning Vice City's new mechanics, like changing outfits, driving motorbikes and piloting helicopters. While these tutorials aren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination (can you say 'Demolition Man'?), the early missions serve as a stepping stone to the freedom that opens up once you waste Diaz.

From there, the decision falls to the player how to proceed. Which assets do you want to acquire? Do you go after the flashy Malibu club and pull off the series first true "heist" sequence (a mission structure revisited in just about every GTA game since)? Do you work for Scott, and find out some secrets about conservative congressman Alex Shrub? Do you spend the most money, but also attain the greatest reward, completing the missions for the Print Works, essential to unlocking the final showdown with mobster Sonny Forelli (Tom Sizemore)? Maybe street racing is your deal. Smith's Sunshine Autos is for you.

In a game series that emphasizes player choice, the way your reach the end game in Vice City is perhaps the most revolutionary that was seen in the franchise until the introduction of heists into GTAV. You choose what story elements you want to unlock first, rather than being guided through a series of missions that will ultimately result in the final confrontation. Not even San Andreas, voted the best GTA game in a fan poll just before the release of GTAV, had that kind of freedom. It's also a callback to the early 2D roots of the GTA series, which required only that you attain a "high score" (cash in the GTA universe) to progress through the game.

Vice City is an imperfect game, to be sure. It's targeting system is still awful, compared to later GTA titles, and the motorbikes just don't handle as well as they could. Many of the game's missions fall prey to the constricted structure of early 3D GTA titles: go here, kill some guys, pick this up, return.

But in terms of player choice, GTA: Vice City is perhaps one of the earliest and most successful experiments in the franchise. And it's still a blast to have that freedom at your fingertips, 14 years later.

What I've learned replaying Grand Theft Auto III

It was Christmas 2001. My mom took my brother and me to the Walmart near our house and picked up the Playstation 2, wrapped in brown packaging paper, which had been put on layaway until our gift exchange on New Year’s. But my brother received an NCAA football game from my grandparents a few days prior, and in my grubby mitts was a shiny new copy of Grand Theft Auto 3. I insisted we travel to pick up the new console right away.

And, within hours, I was transported to the expansive (and inappropriately violent) world of Liberty City. It was a far cry from the small confines of GTA2 on my original Playstation, a game that was inexplicably rated Teen and thus deemed appropriate for my age level by my parents. GTA3 was a hard Mature, but for some crazy reason that still isn’t clear to me I was able to convince my parents I could play it. What followed was my introduction to true 3D gaming, and the narrative potential of the medium that continues to inspire me to this day.
 

What a strange thing, then, to replay the game almost 15 years later, and to realize just how far game design has come in that decade and a half.

If you follow me on Twitch, I’ve been spending many an evening becoming reacquainted with Liberty City. Here are some things I’ve learned.

3D DRIVING WAS STILL A GIMMICK

Many of the early missions in GTA3 have you drive around the block, pick someone up and a cutscene plays. This was groundbreaking gameplay in 2001, when we’d been confined to cars or on-foot action in nearly every game imaginable. Only Driver 2, which had woefully inadequate on-foot action (you couldn’t even shoot!), had attempted this level of immersion before. Only when you’ve completed errands for the mob, and 8-Ball’s explosive-related skills are required in “Bomb da Base,” do the mission structures start to open up and become something special. Everything before that is fetch quests.

RAMPAGES SUCKED

GTAV puts you in the shoes of a rage-fueled Trevor Phillips for its “rampages,” which are just mini-missions all about mayhem. GTA3 locked your choice of weapon, and spawned dozens of manic enemies on the screen at once. Couple those mobs with some truly abysmal targeting controls and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

THE OVERWHELMING NOW MUNDANE

           

Remember when it seemed like that drove to Joey Leone’s garage from your safehouse took ages? It really took about 45 seconds. The timers in GTA3 seemed way too fast at the time to get from one end of Portland to the next, and I was dreading playing El Burro’s “Turismo” and “Big n’ Veiny” missions again because they were such a chore in my youth. But whether it’s because I’ve had more 3D driving practice or the complicated routes in current-gen open-world titles have hardened my reflexes, getting around Portland is a breeze.
  

ONE-NOTE CHARACTERS

Because GTA3 launched a series of look-alike games set in the criminal underworld, and it was called a “Mafioso masterpiece” upon its release, it’s easy to remember the game as a large step forward in videogame storytelling. The game is the ancestor of a title in GTAV that gave us multiple protagonists, leading wildly different lives on different socioeconomic plains, right? But that would be the wrong thing to remember. GTA3 is full of one-note and, frankly, racist and chauvinistic characters. Perhaps the complaint is unfair, given that the source material that inspired the game (gangster and heist movies) were full of one-note, racist and chauvinist characters, but this is not a major step forward in any way. It’s a simple revenge tale that consists of escalating gang violence that quickly turns allies on all three islands against you.

CHATTERBOX IS AS GREAT AS EVER

The talk radio stations in the GTA franchise have a long and stories history that can be traced to Lazlow and the Chatterbox program in GTA3. While other features of the game have aged poorly, as you’ve seen above, Lazlow’s program retains its biting social commentary and inventive guests and callers. Though the track is woefully short by today’s standards, and would be laughable in the 70+ hour campaign that is available in GTAV, it’s still laugh-out-loud funny for its entire running length and features more memorable moments than any other game in the series.

THE THREE ISLAND DESIGN IS THE WAY TO GO

Complained about heavily when the game first released, and in its subsequent sequels, the idea of revealing the map in waves to the player in GTA3 is undoubtedly a feature that should be reinstated at some point in the franchise, in order to preserve an element of whimsical discovery and a feeling of accomplishment in progressing through the game’s narrative. I’ve spent nearly 10 hours back in just Portland, and I’ve discovered paths I didn’t know existed when the game released even now. There’s something to be said for becoming intimately acquainted with areas of the map, then having the window expanded as you accomplish certain feats in the game. Yes, it’s fun to drive anywhere you want to at the beginning of GTAV. But none of the areas of the map feel special as a result of this freedom, in the same way Francis International Airport, the docks and other areas tantalized you on the Playstation 2.

That’s it for now. I’ll continue to add to this post as I play through Grand Theft Auto 3, and eventually Vice City (it’ll be awhile before I tackle San Andreas, and I did so a couple years ago on my Xbox 360, anyway, so the urgency isn’t really there for me). If you’d like to follow along on my nostalgic adventure, follow twitch.tv/kiphillreporter. 

Virtual Dork: Stay indoors

Tomorrow's Independence Day in America, that wonderful holiday when we gorge ourselves on processed meat, blow up our cousins with gimmicky packages of gunpowder and watch Rod Serling introduce the macabre as only that chain-smoking, suitjacketed man can.

For the gamers among us, July 4th also provides the opportunity (if we haven't cheated) to pocket some of those nagging achievements and trophies from video games that viciously tease us to play on a certain day. Here's my checklist:

Game: You Don't Know Jack (2011)
Platform: Multi
Achievement: Turncoat
Description: Play on July 4th instead of celebrating America
Gamerscore/Trophy level: 10G, Bronze

You know you want some Cookie Masterson in your life on Friday, anyway.

Game: Batman: Arkham City (2011)
Platform: Multi
Achievement: Story Time
Description: Have 12 murderous dates with Calendar Man
Gamerscore/Trophy level: 10G, Bronze

So, technically you have to have also visited Calendar Man in his cell on 11 other occasions, so if you start tomorrow and don't want to cheat you won't get the points. But one of Batman's oddest villains would sure appreciate the company.

Game: Watch Dogs (2014)
Platform: Multi
Badge: A More Perfect Union
Description: Check into the John Hancock Center on the fourth of July (system date).

So it's not technically an achievement, but if you want all those damn check-in badges in Watch Dogs tomorrow's your day. Just drive by the John Hancock Center, and be sure to sign your name.

Virtual Dork: An IGN revision, the Top 20 Games of this Generation

I was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the latest generation of game consoles. I adored my Playstation 2, so much so that parting ways with it placed me in an existential funk it took me an entire playthrough of the original Gears of War to shake. I bought an Xbox 360 in 2007, awaiting the May 2008 release of Grand Theft Auto IV. Really, that was the only reason.


Seven years later, the damn thing is still sitting on the top of my dresser, and gets about as much (if not more) love than my tubby tabby cat.


IGN recently released its list of the top 100 games of this generation, as we move forward to some AAA titles releasing on next-generation hardware, perhaps none bigger so far than Ubisoft's Watch Dogs offering set to drop next week. While I tend to think picking on another person's (or publication's) best of lists is a fool's errand, I was supremely unimpressed by the final order of IGN's top games.


While I came into my gaming self during the SNES and original Playstation days, I've felt no closer to a generation of games than the one we're about to leave in the rear-view mirror. So, while I know I did a top games of the 00's list just a few years ago, I feel inclined to answer IGN with a new list centered specifically on the last eight years of gaming.


A word of caution before we begin: I was an Xbox gamer. I understand the Uncharted games are excellent and there are many other PS3 exclusives that are probably missing. But, not having played them, I can't say with any authority which is better than the other. I did have access to a Nintendo Wii for a while during the past generation, however, and I feel well informed to include some of those titles among the ones listed below.

20. Gears of War 3 (Xbox 360, released 2011)

If Gears of War proved the cover-based shooter could survive on consoles and Gears of War 2 gave us the oft-emulated “Horde mode,” Gears of War 3 tied those elements together in a cinematic package that couldn't be beat. Campaign co-op was a blast and the addition of mech suits gave the usually plodding pace a bit more zip. A lot was made of the story element to the final game, sending off Dom and resolving the plotline between Marcus Fenix and his father. I couldn't care less. The shotty was satisfying and the chainsaw revved once more. Gears 3 was the best of the series, hands down.

19. You Don't Know Jack (multi, released 2011)

To the untrained eye, the 2011 release of You Don't Know Jack on current generations of consoles was merely an extension of the console and PC classic from the mid-to-late 90s. However, Jellyvision crafted a much more focused experience with episode-based content that enabled you to play for hours without repeating a question. The introduction of new theme-based questions (Nocturnal Admissions with Cookie Masterson is my personal favorite) and the strategic element of the “Wrong Answer of the Game” makes the most recent console outing the best in a long line of full retail releases. Episode packs ended when Jelllyvision moved to supporting its Facebook app game and other titles, but there's still enough fun here for multiple wasted afternoons with friends, either online or on the couch next to you.

18. Assassin's Creed 3 (multi, released 2012)

The American colonies proved a perfect fit for Assassin's Creed gameplay, and while the first two numbered entries in the now-prolific series set the narrative tone for subsequent games, it is the third title that explores history and offers player freedom in a way that hadn't yet been experienced. Some will say they prefer Assassin's Creed 2's Ezio and his bubbly persona to the ceaselessly pissed Connor. I found his relationship with Kenway much more interesting than any of Desmond's exploits so far or his ancestors. The sea battles, hunting and pirate coves were a welcome diversion from the rinse-and-repeat gameplay of climbing towers, shoving your way through streets and slipping into haybales to avoid detection. Ubisoft hit a high point with Assassin's Creed 3 they'll have to work hard to overcome in the next generation.

17. Borderlands 2 (multi, released 2012)

Borderlands 2 took everything that was great with the original's formula (including Claptrap) and kicked it up a notch in the sequel. The gunplay is satisfying, the villain actually has some personality and the infectious looting is given an adrenaline shot in the arm. While the cel-shaded graphics still aren't my favorite thing in the world, they work in the world of Pandora, which still feels fresh in the game's second installment. It appears as though the creators are going in the story-telling direction with Telltale Games' Tales from the Borderlands releasing sometime in the next year, but let's hope the next generation of consoles gives us brand new settings, equally compelling characters and the same addictive gunplay and collecting we've come to expect from the series.

16. Grand Theft Auto IV (multi, released 2008)

The story of Niko Bellic is what stands out as GTAIV's crowning achievement. The add-ons, while fun, are forgettable and given the technical achievement that is GTAV, Liberty City just doesn't feel as fun as it used to when this game released. Still, Rockstar is to be commended for bringing their flagship franchise into the high-definition era with style, and giving us a grown-up story to match the brilliant open-world gameplay. GTAIV provided the stepping stone that gave us (spoiler) the best game of this generation, and it deserves to be counted among the generation's best because of it.

15. Donkey Kong County Returns (Nintendo Wii, released 2010)

The return of the 2D platformer is a legacy this generation of consoles should be proud in promoting. None stood taller than Retro Studios' Donkey Kong Country Returns, which traded the Kremlings for Tikis and the standard controller for some motion-based antics. The game was fast, fun and with the addition of simultaneous co-op (pioneered in New Super Mario Bros. Wii) took a legacy formula and made it the ultimate party game. It was also gorgeous, throwing Donkey and Diddy into the background and foreground as well as casting them in vibrant silhouettes that kept gamers on their toes.

14. Red Dead Redemption (multi, released 2010)

Reviving the series Rockstar took over from Capcom in the PS2-era, Red Dead Redemption casts its (anti)hero as John Marston, and gives us one of the last generation's greatest stories. The gunplay is leaps and bounds ahead of GTAIV's, and the horse mechanics gel brilliantly with Rockstar's brand of open-world gameplay. The seeds for GTAV's infectious online mode are laid in RDR's open-world multiplayer extravaganza, and the single player experience is chock full of things to do in what seems a barren environment. Red Dead is an achievement that we can only hope will be built upon in the next round of hardware.

13. Bioshock (originally Xbox exclusive, then multi, released 2007)

What if you made a spiritual successor to System Shock 2, that kept its ambiguous morality but made its gunplay infinitely more approachable and threw on a sheen of Randian objectivism? You get Bioshock, a mindbending journey under the sea that made the phrase “Would you kindly?” spine-tinglingly sinister. Long after the smoke from your pistol dissipated, you'd be thinking about what your actions meant, a theme only enhanced by the brilliant follow-up Bioshock: Infinite.

12. Team Fortress 2 (multi, released 2007)

While free-to-play is now ubiquitous, who would have known its greatest title would be a follow-up to a modification of the original Half-Life released more than 15 years ago? Team Fortress 2 is a social experience that gets an online community to work together, something the countless clones of Call of Duty seem to have proven impossible. Its cartoonish style only adds to its charm, and no matter what device you play the game on it's a great way to lose yourself in a simplistic world for several hours. That it remains one of the top-played games on Steam only shows the brilliance of its simple design.

11. Halo 4 (Xbox 360, released 2012)

Halo 3 brought the Master Chief into the high-definition era, but what 343 Industries did with the next numbered entry in the series gave the Spartan his definitive experience on the last generation of consoles. A campaign that introduced a new threat (albeit with somewhat of a cinematic and chintzy final boss), new weapons and switched the mechanics up just enough to allow 343 to make the game its own are just some of the reasons Halo 4 outshined the previous iterations of the series on the 360. The biggest leap forward for me, though, was the introduction of Spartan Ops, a somewhat hit-and-miss episodic adventure that kept me (and my buddies) coming back long after the credits rolled.

10. Portal 2 (multi, released 2011)

It could be the introduction of new witty enemy Wheatley, or the stronger attempt at narrative, or perhaps the goo-themed mind-bending puzzles that built upon the original Portal that ratcheted its successor onto my list of favorite games of the past generation. But the biggest reason was its local co-op functionality that radically changed how you played the first-person puzzler. Shots needed to be timed, portals opened and closed in the wink of an eye, but none of the solutions ever felt cheap, even with two players tackling the challenges. The return of GLADoS was, forgive me, icing on the cake.

9. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (multi, released 2009)

Yes, yes, Call of Duty 4 modernized the genre and provided the first glimpse of innovations that have become genre staples. And the hideous lack of an open beta made MW2's multiplayer frustratingly broken early in its lifecycle (Javelin glitch, anyone?). But as patches were released, and the furor over the game's “No Russian” mission subsided, what emerged is one hell of a game that I, personally, have poured more than a month into in game time. That's not a misprint, I have the stats in my Barracks to prove it. Modern Warfare 2 also holds claim to the greatest shotgun (the game's version of the Spas-12) in the history of first-person shooters. Don't dispute it.

8. Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo Wii, released 2008)

Forget that dumb plastic wheel peripheral. Yeah, it was innovative at the time, but the real reason you kept coming back to Mario Kart Wii was the beautiful tracks, the thrill of hitting that power slide juuuusst right and – above all else – smearing your friend's face in defeat. Mario Kart Wii allowed four players to crowd around the TV and link up with would-be racers around the world for the first time. While it didn't always work perfectly, it was always a lot of damn fun. Many an epithet was shouted at the 117 in Nashville as that blue shell closed in on each and every one of us.

7. Batman: Arkham Aslyum (multi, released 2009)

I can't remember a gaming world before Arkham Asylum, and I certainly don't want to remember Batman on consoles before it. Rocksteady got the Dark Knight, and it did so at a perfect time following the massive success of Christopher Nolan's film. Introducing an unforgettable rogue gallery headed by the Joker, but also including lesser-known and more outlandish foes like Killer Croc and Victor Zsasz. The asylum itself, a longstanding destination of evil in the comics, comes to life in ways that wouldn't have been possible on the hardware that came before the Xbox 360. Rocksteady launched a franchise to be reckoned with in Arkham Asylum, which seems to be headed for an explosive finale with the much-anticipated Arkham Knight.

6. Telltale Games Presents: The Walking Dead (multi, released 2012)

Telltale Games took us on perhaps the most emotional journey of the past generation in the midst of an apocalyptic nightmare. Taking its visual cues from the comic book series, the slightly cel-shaded look of The Walking Dead belies a deep and mature story about love, loss and responsibility. Lee Everett is a complex protagonist whose relationship with Clementine evolves in an episodic manner, right up to the heart-wrenching finale. Like no other game this side of X-Com, your choices have painfully real consequences in Telltale Games' masterpiece that proved episodic gaming wasn't just a ploy by developers delivering DLC cash-grabs.

5. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (multi, released 2011)

Bethesda, the king of massive gameplay worlds, sends you into a Nordic fantasyland full of dastardly characters, demonic dungeons and heroic battles in the fifth installment of its Elder Scrolls series. One could get lost in the lore bound in tomes of a castle's library for hours, should they choose, or instead punch the village drunk in the face and start widespread chaos – until you take an arrow to the knee. Magnificent Scandinavian voice acting gives Skyrim a unique feel, and the unique character progression allows players to level without grinding, should they choose. This is as close to a perfect console RPG as you're going to get, unless your name is …

4. Fallout 3 (multi, released 2008

Immediately destroying its moniker as “Elder Scrolls with guns,” Bethesda took an established turn-based franchise and turned it on its first-person head, allowing you to see through the eyes of a Vault Dweller for the first time in perhaps gaming's most famous post-apocalyptic wasteland. This time, in fact, you found yourself in the Capital Wastes, searching for your father in the most personal story contained within a Fallout game to date. The Deathclaws, wry humor and Super Mutants were all along for the ride, which stretched to easily more than 70 hours of gameplay if you scoured for every last bottle of Nuka-Cola. And what a way (and place) to spend it.

3. Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Nintendo Wii, 2010)

There will be swearing. Those damn green stars are going to make your head spin. Super Mario Galaxy 2 builds in every way upon its revolutionary predecessor, which took Mario to the skies in search of saving Princess Peach from the clutches of Bowser (duh). Super Mario Galaxy 2 is beautiful. The soundtrack is spot on. Yoshi's appearance in the 3D world is a breath of fresh air. But most importantly, the second entry in the Galaxy series allowed Nintendo to play with the concept of planets, creating stunning challenges that pushed the boundaries of the hardware and, in the process, platforming. More than 25 years after emerging from his first green pipe, Mario showed he still had chops this generation.

2. Bioshock: Infinite (multi, released 2013)

What's to say about a game built upon a premise in the clouds that shows us the depths of human behavior? Zachary Hale Comstock improves upon the dastardly clout of Andrew Ryan and Frank Fontaine in the first Bioshock title. His patriots and other heavy hitters deal just as much punishment and fear as the Big Daddies that populated Rapture. But the true achievement of Bioshock: Infinite is the relationship between Elizabeth and Booker, and how the player realizes that something is amiss about the tears, memories and alternate realities that Irrational Games guides you through in the pair's adventure. The last 20 minutes, mostly achieved through cutscenes, are some of the most powerful moments of video gaming in this or any generation. The two stellar episodic follow-ups, which tie the trilogy together, only add to the prestige of this astounding achievement.

1. Grand Theft Auto V (multi, released 2013)

How do you take one of the biggest gaming franchises and make it better? Add back in the insanity and over-the-top gameplay that put you on the map, split the narrative between three characters and offer a persistent online world for players with the kind of gameplay options one would expect from the king of open-world games. GTAV pushes the current generation to its limit, building a living, breathing San Andreas that makes all other open world attempts, including 2008's Liberty City, pale in comparison. The story may not be as focused as Niko Bellic's, but it more than makes up for it in offering us three deeply troubled characters shaped by – and willing to try to change – their surroundings. While other games of this generation took conventions we were accustomed to and ratcheted them up in terms of their visual fidelity and presentation, GTAV did things (branching mission paths, multiple characters who can be changed on the fly, a persistent online world with its own economies and constantly changing dynamics) that literally changed the way we played. And for that, it's the greatest game of the past eight years.

An Inexplicably Close Look at an Obscure Song: The Ataris "Boys of Summer"

When I was a kid, like many I dreamed of rock and roll weekends. I even held a bass at one point and attempted to learn the instrument, despite having the rhythm of some combination of Anthony Michael Hall characters from the 1980s.

There were two names I wanted for my band, to be emblazoned across the drum set as I made young women swoon with my delicious licks. The first was The Ecto-Coolers. The second was The Ataris.

As far as I know, the Hi-C inspired moniker is still up for grabs. I was devastated when I learned sometime around the 10th grade my back-up dreams were dashed.

If you're going to name yourselves after the early 80s video game console of choice, you better be damn good. The Ataris seemed it when I started listening to their music right around junior high. "Angry Nerd Rock" is still one of my angsty favorites from those days, when American Hi-Fi and Mest were on repeat in my portable CD player and Dude Where's My Car? was in my VCR.

Ahem. Back off the nostalgia train.

"Boys of Summer" never really made much sense to me. I mean, yeah, I understood it when it was played at baseball stadiums and whatnot, but the whole concept seemed dated, even in the 1980s. Was Don Henley singing about gypsies? Who were these boys, and more importantly, where did their female counterparts come from? Are there hordes of young attractive people who burrow themselves underground in winter and show up for sex, drugs and rock and roll in the summer? Is that what those Disney internships are all about?

The Ataris cover of the 1984 hit answers none of these questions, and it also avoids what a good cover song should do - that is, take a song and change its style, message or some other facet to make it your own. For example, the millions of ska/punk covers of 80s songs. Or Authority Zero's (contemporary with The Ataris) cover of "Mexican Radio."

What we get with The Ataris is a straightforward, power pop version of a song that was already a straightforward, power pop piece that is the musical equivalent of a corn dog - battered with sweetness, but unfilling and leaving you with regret.

The Ataris would have been better off covering the Juno First theme song. But maybe I'm just looking into it too closely.

Virtual Dork: South Park Stick of Truth Review

There is a moment, after you've vanquished a member of a rival faction using an arsenal of farts, Cheesy Poofs and magic 8-ball-handed weapons, when you, as the "new kid" in South Park, witness a familiar cast of characters bickering over how to take down their greatest foe.

"Suck my e-e-e-elven dick, Butters," Jimmy Valmer says on the screen in front of you, perfectly framed as only the construction-paper inspired animation of Trey Parker and Matt Stone can be.

It is these moments that elevate South Park: Stick of Truth above a normal licensed game. The script was written by Parker and Stone. The game was made using resources from South Park Studios' animation team. All of the voice actors (including Isaac Hayes in a brief cameo) are here. This looks and sounds exactly like an episode of South Park should.

It's only a pity that, under the hood, Stick of Truth is an exceptionally easy title with little reason for multiple playthroughs. While the South Park fan in you will squeal with joy as you battle Al Gore and try to beat back the flaming farts of Wizard Cartman, the nonsensical ending and shallow gameplay keep Stick of Truth from being a truly great video game, although it's undoubtedly a wonderful narrative experience (with some caveats).

You begin the game as the "new kid," moving in to a home on the same block as series regulars Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormack and Kyle Broflovski. You quickly join forces with Butters Stotch, who informs you of the game du jour in the neighborhood. The conceit, a mystical RPG quest with fantastical elements, is drop dead similar to the narrative sheen that ran through last fall's "Black Friday" trilogy on the show. Cartman and Butters are members of the human guild, while Stan and Kyle do battle as knights of the elven faction.

After creating your character, you learn from parents (who share your physical traits) that there is something just not right about you. Unfortunately, what is one of the most interesting and novel story quirks in the game gets dismissed in a trivial and surprisingly uninteresting and unfunny cutscene toward the end of the game featuring an eye-patched, shadowy government figure.

Your journey will take you to all the staple locations in South Park: Skeeter's Bar, Jimbo's Gun shop, City Wok, Tom's Rhinoplasty and the abortion clinic. Throughout the game's roughly 15-hour playtime, you'll run into all the classic characters, who you can "friend" through the game's Facebook system. As you gain friends and experience points, you'll be able to add perks and abilities that increase your powers in turn-based combat that hearkens back to the old days of Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy.

Unfortunately, that combat is relatively uninspired. While there are some fun elemental quirks to the game that you can use to turn the tide in your favor when the combat screen does appear, most of the fights are winnable using a simple pattern of actions, and because there is no limitation on the amount of items you can carry and stockpiling combat potions is merely an exercise in searching for cash, strategy goes out the window in the second half of the game.

As a thief, I was granted a basically game-breaking ability early on to stun the most powerful enemies while I picked off minions. Using Butters' "Healing Touch" ability, I was able to win almost all fights in the game following a relatively simple pattern once I had a level 10 weapon. Combat becomes a slog to get to the next brilliantly written cutscene.

That is, until the end of the game, when you're forced into a series of battles that increasingly make little sense and the difficulty factor is artificially inflated. Without spoiling the ending, I can say that the final climactic scene can be seen coming from a mile away, something that is relatively unconscionable for a series and writers known to toy with the absurd in pursuit of satire.

Despite my poo-poohing, Stick of Truth is an extremely fun romp through America's finest source of scatological satire. Fans of Matt and Trey's work should not miss the opportunity to visit this quiet little redneck mountain town and relive some of their favorite experiences from the long-running series. However, I would advise against paying the full price. Wait for a discount for your trip to Colorado.

Verdict: 3/5 stars

A postmodern meltdown: Some thoughts on GTAV and contemporary culture

'Cause I got bats in the belfry
I'm in the kitchen boiling society
I'm in the open catching all the leaves
We all see what we want, yeah

-Dispatch, "Bats in the Belfry" (Bang Bang 1997)

As Franklin Clinton, one of three protagonists in Rockstar Games' latest iteration of their billion-dollar Grand Theft Auto franchise, I'm cruising back to my pad in Vinewood, GTAV's version of Hollywood set in the hills over Los Santos (read: Los Angeles). I notice a patrol car speeding toward me, a not uncommon occurrence in a title that sets fits of unbridled rage as a gameplay mechanic. Except this police officer is chasing another violent offender, who is seconds away from veering in front of my vehicle's path.

Here's where choice sets in. And we're not talking the "will you or won't you" narrative mechanic like something out of Bioshock. This decision in front of me will have no bearing on my character in the long-term or how the game's story unfolds. It's simply a moment, in the countryside of San Andreas, where I as a player have to choose.

I swerve in front of the crook, blocking his path and making the pursuit all that easier for the patrol car. Both pursuer and pursuee (word?) emerge from their vehicles, weapons drawn. I do the same, hunkering for cover behind my sedan's engine (in retrospect, not the likeliest choice for safe-hiding-spot in a shootout). I pull the left trigger on my Xbox 360 game pad to go into targeting mode with my pistol. In another subtle nod to my choice as a player, I default to targeting a police officer, but I don't pull the trigger. Instead, the crook blasts him away before my eyes. Law is restored when his partner, at a different angle, takes one shot to put the murderer down.

GTAV isn't a perfect recreation of modern life. Following this encounter, the involved officer simply strolled back to his patrol car (I half expected to see him whistling) now sans one of its prior occupants and drove off. But these serendipitous moments of choice, and just HOW MANY there are in this massive game world, elevate Rockstar's latest above mere interactive entertainment to something more.

The chorus above is from one of my favorite ditties by 90s jam rockers Dispatch. The song begins with some psychedelic riffs on the electric guitar that fade into more ska/reggae beats at intervals. In the song's final act, the guitar swells to a pulsating fit of hyperactivity, echoing the mind of our speaker as he descends slowly into madness (hence the title) by the frenzied pace of modern life.

The Grand Theft Auto series has always been about choice. It was arguably more about choice before its 3D days, when the first two numbered installments in the series were "beatable" only after you obtained enough cash to proceed through a series of locations. GTA grew up with its first appearance on the PS2 and Xbox (GTA3), and has become a cultural force to be reckoned with.

The genius of GTAV is that it perfectly encapsulates the kind of frenzied mind that is created by the postmodern world. Michael and Trevor, the two other protagonists in the game, are relics of a bygone era, former heist aficionados sinking their teeth back into "the game." Because of ten years of cultural evolution that have left them behind, both have become mentally unstable in their own ways. The player, faced with a map the size of Rockstar's previous open-world games combined and numerous potential tasks throughout that world (in addition to just wreaking mayhem, a staple of the series) faces a similar kind of emotional distress (or, at least, I have multiple times while playing).

I'm not nearly finished with GTAV. I plan to sit down for a good long while with it today, some caffeine and alcohol at the ready for my fits of existential calamity. But, to date, the most impressive thing about the title is its ability to mimic the malaise of living in a world where choice is omnipresent and morals are blurry at best.

Virtual Dork: Thoughts on Xbox's Games with Gold promotion

Earlier this summer, perhaps anticipating the livid audience response to initial statements the new Xbox would require an online connection and restrict access to used games and other content, Microsoft announced its Games with Gold promotion. Modeled after Sony's Playstation Plus free game giveaway, Microsoft promised two free games would be released each month from June through December, dropping two titles at E3 (Assassin's Creed 2 and Halo 3) that would definitely be on the roster. The rest would be surprises.

Though I'd already played the two announced titles when they released, I was looking for a good reason to renew my Gold subscription earlier this summer in order to watch HBO Go on the pathetic Sanyo that was included with my rental unit here in Spokane. I'm squinting to see players in Call of Duty, so if I've stared at you funny in the last several weeks, know that's the reason and not that I'm losing my mind (probably). In any event, the first announced game, Fable 3, had not graced my console yet so I plopped the money down for a year's subscription and dutifully downloaded the three-quel overnight on my hamster-wheel ran WiFi.

This is a commentary on the game's we've received through the promotion so far. It would be unfair, I think, to compare Microsoft's offering with Playstation Plus. Sony clearly has a superior setup, offering games like Saint's Row the Third and Uncharted 3, both of which released in the last two years. The most recent offering from Microsoft to date has been Fable, which released in October 2010. Only one game is available at a time, whereas Playstation has a suite of options available each month. Finally, Sony has been running their promotion for quite some time, whereas with Microsoft it's a finite deal that feels a little reactionary, to be perfectly blunt.

Still, we're getting free games. During the summertime, that's a great thing, because the dog days are usually also the doldrums for fresh, blockbuster titles. With GTAV still an agonizing month away, Microsoft has been offering some decent diversions. Let's see how they stack up.

Fable 3

I have memories of playing the original Fable, but it must have been at a friend's house because I never owned the original Xbox. I thought it had been ported to the Playstation 2, my console of choice during the last generation. I may be confusing the game with Psychonauts, thought the relative quality of that game (even when compared to Lionhead's latest offering) makes that confusion unlikely.

Fable 3 is a tonally ridiculous game. You're supposed to feel some sort of compassion for the bizarre, cartoony humanoids of Albion who speak with regrettably ridiculous British accents and generally act as though Chaucer's Miller were their moral compass. The combat is fun, the possibilities for amassing wealth seemingly limitless. But when you throw in the moral weight of decisions whether millions of your people will die and one of the achievements requires you making that choice in a chicken suit, there's just not really any storytelling weight here. Add to the fact the nebulous nature of the evil facing your kingdom and an ending that I suppose is designed to make someone, somewhere cry, and this game is perfect for diversionary purposes. But Zelda-killer this is not.

Score: 3/5

Defense Grid: The Awakening and Assassin's Creed 2

I haven't spent enough time with Defense Grid, an Xbox Live Arcade title, to form an opinion. I've already played Assassin's Creed 2 and didn't download it again. I won't judge them for this piece yet.

Crackdown

August's first downloadable title was 2007's Crackdown, a game conceived by David Jones, the mind behind Lemmings and the original Grand Theft Auto. Primarily known for containing a beta key for Halo 3, Crackdown sold well enough to spawn what critics called an uninspired sequel in 2010 just as Jones finished up work on his ill-fated MMORPG answer to GTA, APB (All Points Bulletin).

Jones' prints are all over this game. It's fast, fun and tremendously shallow in the story department. Gunplay is satisfying, though twitchy. Driving is ridiculous and should be avoided in favor of your agent's incredible aerial abilities. As you progress through the (woefully short) story mode, your character earns new abilities through floating orbs that require platform puzzling to solve, not unlike lookout towers in Assassin's Creed. There are more than 500 to collect scattered throughout Pacific City, and if the ambient sound wasn't so terrifically awful I likely would have pursued them all. It's just that addictive.

When you've taken out all the bad guys, the game tosses what seems like an expository curveball at you: the disembodied voice of the "Agency," the group you've been working to help clean up the streets, has designs of municipal autocracy that you've helped him achieve. I'd be blow away if I wasn't yawning. Good time-waster, little more.

Score: 2/5

Dead Rising 2 and Dead Rising 2: Case Zero

The original Dead Rising was a massively popular title for the 360 published by Capcom in 2006, just a few months after the console was launched. I've been meaning to pick it up, but never really bothered with it. I purchased my Xbox 360 the summer of 2007 and by then my interest in the launch games had waned considerably.

Dead Rising 2 takes the solid foundation of its predecessor (according to reviews of that title) and builds upon them, making the save feature much more accessible to players and introducing a level of tonal absurdity that could only be inspired by a Japanese game company. You're in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, your daughter has been bitten and requires constant medical attention to avoid "turning," and you can wear assless chaps.

Yes, that's right. Assless chaps.

I haven't finished Dead Rising 2 yet, but so far it has — in my estimation — the cream of the crop of titles released under the Games with Gold promotion. Though the story is absurd, there's a real sense of urgency and progress here as the timer ticks down on certain objectives. Old-school saving IS frustrating, but the game more than makes up for it by designing a combat system that is just so damn fun. Squishing zombie brains never gets old, and thanks to the constantly regenerating undead masses in the over world of Fortune City, Nevada, you have plenty of time to oblige them.

Score: 4/5

Dead Rising 2 is the first game in the Games with Gold promotion I feel like I would have picked up for a price had I played a demo of the game beforehand. I hope the selections continue in this upward trajectory, which brings me to a wish list of games I want to see released over the next several months. Of course, GTAV will consume my free time beginning Sept. 27, but the option of starting a download that you can finish later is an ingenious offering by Microsoft for the busy gamer. And I intend to get my money's worth.

Games with Gold Wish List

Shadow Complex: This 360 exclusive Xbox Live title seems like a no-brainer. I planned on purchasing it back in 2009 but the time got away from me. There was a lot of outcry when Microsoft went with a XBLA title as its second GWG offering with Defense Grid, but I doubt anyone's going to complain if this Metroid-clone makes the list.

Telltale Games Presents: The Walking Dead: This is likely wishful thinking, as no game near The Walking Dead's launch window last year has been released yet. Perhaps as one of the final offerings, just as Season 2 is being released by Telltale, isn't too much to ask for? Microsoft has already given away one episode of the first season at Christmastime last year, which I hungrily gobbled up. If they released the next four for free as well, I'd be doing a happy zombie shuffle.

Bioshock 2: Microsoft has been making a habit of releasing sequels during the GWG promotion, and Bioshock 2 seems like a safe bet, especially with the episodic content of its successor, Bioshock Infinite, set to release sometime later this year/early next year. The original Bioshock is a classic, but I was kind of turned off by the return to Rapture without Ken Levine's involvement. Playing the game for free would alleviate those concerns.

Minecraft: This is extremely unlikely, seeing as how the genre-defying first-person builder is basically printing money on the Arcade. But perhaps, once market penetration reaches its max, Microsoft will decide it's OK to give the 360 port away for free.

L.A. Noire/Max Payne 3: Give me something from Rockstar (not Table Tennis, though). The first is probably more likely, given its age, but either gun-toting title would make for a fun 2 weeks this fall. I could see Red Dead Redemption too, but I hope not. I've already played that wonderful game to death.

Mass Effect: The original 360 exclusive has been on my list for awhile now, but I haven't had the necessary encouragement to run out and buy it. Microsoft would be able to push out one of its exclusives and attract new players to the series, a win-win in my book.

What games would you like to see released free in the coming months? Let me know in the comments!

Virtual Dork: Bioshock Infinite Review

"The only true voyage of discovery, the only fountain of Eternal Youth, would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another, of a hundred others, to behold the hundred universes that each of them beholds, that each of them is."
-Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time

Reviewing Bioshock Infinite as a game is more than a little difficult for me. The feeling of not merely playing, but experiencing, the first Bioshock is much stronger in this spiritual sequel. There is a well-polished, brilliantly conceived and balanced shooter at the core of the Bioshock Infinite experience. But to simply dwell upon the game's genius mechanics would be a disservice to the beautiful piece of art (that's right, Roger Ebert, art) that Irrational Games has created.

Infinite begins with a very familiar scene for franchise devotees. You're in a boat, rowing toward a lighthouse. All you know is contained in a box of effects: your name: Booker DeWitt, a pistol, a photograph of a girl, a key and a few handwritten notes. On one of them: Bring us the girl, wipe away the debt. Devilish in its simplicity, the note kicks off a journey into the clouds that mimics the bathysphere spectacle that kicked off the original Bioshock.

Look familiar?

From those few opening moments, Infinite becomes an increasingly unnerving exploration of that city — Columbia — and an early 1900s xenophobic patriotism morphed by Christian values that struck me as much more interesting than Andrew Ryan's Ayn Randian utilitarian Rapture. From the opening moments, as you're baptized among cloaked devotees in a brilliantly lit sequence initiating you into the city, to the final revelation of Zachary Comstock's (the zealot and main antagonist — or so it seems — of this installment in the series) perversion of religion to suit his lofty, utopian aims, Booker's journey through Columbia is one with horrifying and unsettling cruelty toward man under the guise of ideology and zealotry that never really lets go.

Your charge, as Booker, is to find Elizabeth, the girl locked in the tower. You do so early in the game, after inadvertently alerting the entire city —which wants to protect Elizabeth — to your presence. This is where the fighting comes in. Not only will you battle citizens of Columbia, who are not intoxicated by powers like they were in Bioshock but rather sane human beings driven by devotion either for or against Comstock, but also giant machine enemies known as Heavies and Elizabeth's protector, a massive mechanical bird controlled by Comstock himself.

The resulting escape mission will take you through many heart-pumping sequences throughout Columbia. Gameplay is cosmetically similar to Bioshock, though the names of the powers and perks have changed. Instead of plasmids, you have vigors, which range from being able to fire a flock of murderous crows from your hands to traditional electric charges and fireballs. I found Bucking Bronco, a new vigor that allows you to throw your enemies into a daze mid-air, extremely effective with conventional weaponry, particularly the shotgun. Once Elizabeth joins your side, you have access to things called "tears," in which she opens up portals to other dimensions to bring offensive and defensive objects into battle.

It's all very familiar territory, despite the changes. The aerial aspects of combat are improved greatly by the presence of a Skyline, a device that allows you to travel around Columbia on steel pathways that crisscross the city. There are also freight hooks throughout that you can attach to with your Sky Hook, granting you access to higher ground for strategic combat situations and secret areas where money, ammo and other secret goodies await. The Sky Hook also enables gruesome melee kills. This is not a game for youngsters.

The difficulty of Bioshock Infinite is also alleviated by Elizabeth's ability to revive you throughout. Once you've beaten the game, the devilishly difficult "1999" mode becomes available, in which respawns are limited and ammo is harder to come by. I haven't had a chance to fire it up yet, but the game ratchets up in difficulty significantly in the second act even on Medium. It will be an interesting challenge that I'm impatiently looking forward to.

All of this discussion of Infinite as a game is extremely difficult for me, though, as I said at the outset of this review. Because, to be perfectly honest, the gameplay isn't what stuck with me. This is a better-than-average shooter with an extremely high amount of polish, don't get me wrong. But the gun and vigor play wasn't what kept me riveted to the screen, it was the relationship between Booker and Elizabeth, and the little clues that something is amiss in the world you're seeing that kept my fingers from powering down the Xbox.

Without giving too much away, the final 20 minutes or so of the "game" will take you back to Rapture and cause you to question your motives throughout. One reviewer noted Infinite has no "Would you kindly?" moment, as the original Bioshock did. But the reason for that is complicated. The existence of multiple realities, and an unreliable narrator who knows just as much as you do, makes that scenario — groundbreaking in videogames just 5 years ago — seem obsolete. By the time the credits roll on Infinite, you'll have realized you were never playing the game you thought you were. And that makes another playthrough seem cheap, despite how fun the game is to play and the promise of missed achievements.

The game, in other words, is secondary to story. Some people will play Infinite simply because it is one of the prettiest and most functional shooters out there. Indeed, the thrill of landing a perfect headshot on a Skyline, then zooming down to light some fools on fire and stick a Sky Hook in their cranium is one that will continuously take your breath away. But the story crafted by Ken Levine and Irrational is something that transcends simply one kind of media, and quite frankly renders the intricate plot of the original Bioshock, which earned universal praise just a few short years ago, obsolete and trite by comparison.

Which is the only real criticism I can come up with for the game — I honestly have no idea how you can top, in terms of storytelling, the final act of Infinite (of course, I thought the same after Andrew Ryan got the golf club to the skull in the first Bioshock). It will make you question why you've become so complacent with video games as a medium. As mature gamers, we should be demanding experiences that challenge us and the traditional roles they play in our lives — escapism, mindless cathartic release and sensory stimulation. Infinite turns all those tropes on their heads, in a brilliant story distilling great works of fiction in all mediums.

Do not miss this experience. And stay for the gameplay.

Rating: 5/5 stars

Virtual Dork- Gaming's Top 10 Opening Moments

Good Old Games recently released the original Fallout, first on the market in 1997, for free download from its website. As a Fallout fan initiated on 2008's superb third installment in the series, I was naturally curious to see the roots of a title I previously hailed as the 3rd greatest title of the decade 2000-2010. I downloaded the 500 mb (!) file, loaded into onto my five-year-old PC, and got ready for a night sipping Miller Lite in my pajamas and blasting pixelated ghouls.

And a funny thing happened.

I was immediately and hopelessly engrossed by a FMV sequence that looked like a poorly designed episode of Reboot (oh yeah, I went there). From the opening strains of "Maybe" by the Ink Spots to the wonderful 1950s faux aesthetic the series is known for, the roughly 2-minute clip had me begging for the Start Game screen to appear while simultaneously making me pine for the intro to never end.

Gaming opening sequences are arguably not as important as those in film. By the time you've plopped down $50 or more (or, you've downloaded a classic title for free from the Internet), usually you've put in the time and effort to know you're going to enjoy the gameplay and narrative goodness that awaits you. But when a title does it right, and gives you an opening sequence you don't want to mash the start button until it ends, it's a pleasant surprise.

In that vain, here are some of my favorite flourishes to begin the interactive digital entertainment we all know and love. They may not signal wonderful gaming experiences (though, in the case of almost every title listed below, the care with which the developer introduces the narrative displays the quality of the game as a whole), but they do grab us by our analog sticks and force us to pay attention. And for that, we thank you.

10. Grand Theft Auto 3 (Rockstar Games, 2001)



GTA3 was a big step up for Rockstar. It ushered in the jump to 3D and a dedication to gangster storytelling that has only evolved in the 11 years since GTA3's release. The opening to the game that started the franchise as an international superhit is a jazzy, stylized presentation of Liberty City in all its dazzling, morally decrepit splendor. Teasing us for the treat that would propel video games into a new generation, this opening sequence will likely never leave its permanent occupation in my brain.

9. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (Infinity Ward, 2007)



From the announcement that the shooting franchise would be leaving World War II in the past and bringing us to the contemporary theater, gamers knew Call of Duty 4 was going to be something special. Drawing upon the trail blazed by interactive opening sequences in Half-Life and other titles, Call of Duty 4 cast us in a helpless position as the credits rolled, a new narrative technique that built in tension and showed off the gorgeous, 60 fps engine developed by the folks at Infinity Ward. When the bullet left the chamber, it started a roller-coaster thrill ride of a narrative that never let you go.

8. Portal 2 (Valve, 2011)



The original Portal was an addition to Valve's Orange Box package. It told the story of Chell, a "test" subject at Aperture Labs who used a gun that created temporal passages to solve puzzles and defeat the evil GLADoS. What the original Portal achieved in simply dropping you into the story, its full-fledged sequel trumped in spades through the introduction of personality and humor immediately. Wheatley, in particular, shines through in this introduction, creating a relationship that sees, ahem, some ups and downs during the course of the title.

7. Metal Gear Solid (Konami, 1998)



Its blocky visuals may look dated today, but you can't deny the pure cinematic feel of the opening to Metal Gear Solid, which immediately casts you as an action hero cut off from any kind of support. The opening is a perfect summation of a narrative that will twist and turn throughout dozens of hours of gameplay, and gives you that wonderful sensation of a badass with the weight of the world's survival on your shoulders - a video game narrative trope that feels genuine in this tension-filled opening sequence.

6. Bioshock (2K Boston, 2007)



Eloquent in its brevity, the opening to the spiritual successor of System Shock plops you down immediately into the shoes of protagonist "Jack," with only a wallet photo for identification. Seconds later, panicked screams play behind the soaked logo of the game, and you gain control of the character after a horrific plane crash. Gee, that lighthouse sure looks inviting...

5. Silent Hill 2 (Konami, 2001)



Some messed up things are going to happen to you in Silent Hill 2. The opening sequence, where protagonist James Sunderland is pondering the creepy occurrences that have brought him to the quiet town of Silent Hill, assures you of that. Sunderland's voice over reminds us, as he makes his way out of a rest stop bathroom, that "a dead person can't write a letter." But we, like Sunderland, have no choice but to search.

4. Fallout (Interplay, 1997)



The look is dated, but the pan from a television screen to a nuclear-ravaged wasteland as Ron Pearlman's iconic voice-over: "War. War never changes" introduces us to a rich world teeming with genetically mutated activity. Series staples, including morbid humor, robotics and that cool 1950s aesthetic are all on display here, catching us up on 300 years of alternative history and establishing a world simultaneously without hope and full of possibility.

3. Batman: Arkham Asylum (Rocksteady, 2009)



If you didn't share Bruce Wayne's misgivings about how easy it was to catch the Joker as the first few moments of Rocksteady's surprising smash hit ticked by, the extended opening sequence featuring Mark Hamill's undeniably creepy portrayal of the Clown Prince of Crime surely made you a believer. Rocksteady took the player and forced them into the cowl as the credits rolled, and when things finally do go wrong, it's impossible not to share the Dark Knight's conviction to clean up Arkham.

2. Medal of Honor: Allied Assault (2015, Inc., 2002)



We'd witnessed the horrors of Normandy in Steven Spielberg's unapologetic film "Saving Private Ryan" and in stock footage of the attack, but never before had we as gamers been put in the uncomfortable boots of the soldiers storming the beach. Despite the limited technology available, this third installment in the World War II shooter series thrust us immediately into the herculean effort of securing a beach under heavy machine-gun fire, producing an authentically horrifying experience in the game's first few moments through dialogue, sound effects and atmosphere.

1. Half-Life (Valve, 1998)



It's hard to remember now, but interactive opening sequences weren't par for the course when Valve's groundbreaking first-person shooter appeared in 1998. The sequence gave you control of protagonist Gordon Freeman, a scientist on his commute to work at the Black Mesa Research Facility on a day that would turn out to be anything but routine. Putting you in Freeman's shoes from the outset, you get a sense of the scale of the game world you will be traversing as the title moves forward, and forces the player to develop a relationship with the character that has nothing to do with seeing their face on the screen.

What do you think of the list? Did I miss any heavy-hitters? Is one of these titles not worthy of its position? Sound off in the comments below! And, as always, thanks for reading/playing!

Holy inverted joysticks!! Batman: Arkham City Review

Before you even say it, I'm well aware I'm reviewing a game that's been out now for the better part of seven months. My Xbox time is essentially limited at the moment to late night Saturday hangover-recovery sessions, so I've been working my way incrementally through Rocksteady's solid follow-up to the 2009 breakout smash, Batman: Arkham City. I also wanted to make sure I'd found all the collectibles and seen everything there was to see in the title before I gave it a proper review. After spending most of my St. Patrick's Day evening nursing one hell of a headache with Brownie Batter ice cream and everyone's favorite mild-mannered playboy gone rogue, I feel like now's the time to weigh in on a title that was on everyone's short list for Game of the Year in 2011.

Since it's been out so long and many folks who are interested in playing the game have probably already had the chance, I'll spare the reader most of the set-up. The long and short of it is, you begin the game as Bruce Wayne in the clutches of Dr. Hugo Strange, who reveals he knows you're Batman. He releases you into the depths of Arkham City, a new compound built adjacent to Gotham where crooks and supervillains are given free reign to act as dastardly as they want. Strange has something special planned for Batman, though, which is revealed throughout the course of the title.

STORY

Arkham City had some big shoes to fill. Arkham Asylum played out like a fantastic iteration in the comic series' storied lore. There was a focused confrontation with the Joker evident from pressing start, and while a similar showdown seems inevitable in Arkham City, along the way you're forced to do a few confusing things.

The narrative thread holding episodes with the Penguin, Mr. Freeze and Ra's Al-Ghul all make sense in the loosest sense of the word for the in-game narrative. There are some fantastic set pieces throughout the game that rival many of the twists that unfolded during Arkham Asylum. However, by attempting to cram in as many supervillains as possible based on the game's lofty premise (how did all the noteworthy portions of Gotham, including where Bruce's parents were shot, find themselves enclosed in Arkham City? That was convenient!), the narrative loses some of its focus and conflicts are always downplayed and unsatisfying (except your bout with the Joker at the end of the game, but to avoid spoilers - yes, even I must conform to the don't give away the ending rule seven months later - I'm leaving that part out of this discussion). The deaths of several principal characters in the game, then, fall flat.

The problem may be with the series' robust Gotham Stories and taped interviews, which return in Arkham City. The most compelling parts of the narrative in this game feel contained within text and audio, as opposed to playing out before your very eyes as they did in Arkham Asylum. All the same, the quibbles above are minor annoyances when you look at how Rocksteady weaved a cogent, compelling narrative that never slacks off. From start to credits, Arkham City will arrest your attention, bat-nerd or layperson alike.

GAMEPLAY

The much lauded move to open-world gameplay in Arkham City is indeed one of the most commendable accomplishments by Rocksteady. The game world always has a new twist or challenge down the numerous alleyways in Arkham. You won't find yourself wishing there were more things to do. 400 Riddler challenges, extensive side missions and playable chapters as Catwoman keep the title interesting into the 40+ hour range. And, if you enjoyed the game the first time around, the New Game+ option gives the ability to start over with all of your gadgets and upgrades unlocked against beefier enemies.

Combat was one of the shining points of Arkham Asylum, and the sequel delivers once again in spades. The developers added the ability to use gadgets in combat, which can make for some pretty interesting encounters. The first time I pulled a thug in with my Batclaw and slammed him to the ground in glorious slow motion brought a shout of joy to my lips that is normally reserved for discoveries of Twilight Zone marathons on late-night television. The combos available, and the satisfying sound effects and physics to nailing a perfect freeflow sequence, will still paste your face with a smile. The addition of more combat challenges and the Riddler campaigns (sequences of challenges with tweaks to scoring and how to complete the challenges) add shelf life to a game that is already more robust than 99% of what you will play this year.

Stealth is still a big aspect of Arkham City, despite the move to more wide-open environs. You will find armed thugs taking out your traditional hiding places much earlier in Arkham City, forcing you to play the game in ways that may be uncomfortable if you're familiar with the first title in the series coming in.

DIFFICULTY

Having not had the chance to complete New Game+ yet, I can't speak to the difficulty of that title. What I can say is that Arkham City, the first time through, isn't all that difficult. Where it does get tricky, the game will often come in and hold your hand, telling you what you need to do to move forward. It's a theory of game development that encourages some experimentation in the way you play the title and keeps the action moving swiftly, but at the same time those looking for a unique challenge will likely not be bothered too much with Arkham City. I died frequently only during a few fights, and even then it was due more to my stupidity than to game design.

PRESENTATION

From the pained steps of Batman after being infected with Titan to tossing insults at baddies like Harley Quinn and the Penguin, this game never stops delivering on its premise of making you feel like the Caped Crusader. Using gadgets and ingenuity to defeat large groups of enemies, pulling off dizzying combos, and searching crime scenes for traces to lead you to your next objective — it all feels like part of Batman's universe.

This includes the sections of the game where you play as Ms. Selina Kyle. The version in Arkham City, like those of all the villains, is somewhere between the dark animated series version of the characters with a sense of magical realism, to the gritty Gotham envisioned by Christopher Nolan in the current film series. Catwoman is sleek, sexy and showing quite a bit of cleavage. She's also faster in combat than Batman, and her method of getting around town has a unique feel. I remember first reading about the opportunity to play as Catwoman in previews of the game last summer, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a tad skeptical. But Catwoman's sequences have a narrative of their own that make sense in the timeline of the game proper. Rocksteady knocked it out of the park on this point, as well.

OVERALL

Arkham City is an experience not to be missed by fans the comics, video games and just any consumer who wants to see a well put-together entertainment package. The story, though at times rather disjointed and running the risk of being bogged down in exposition, ends with one of the most important events in Batman lore. As the final credits roll, you'll wonder if what you just saw will change Batman's story forever. It'll make you think, and really appreciate what a wonderful job Rocksteady did once again bringing the Batman experience to our fingertips.

Score: 5/5 stars

Virtual Dork-Top Video Games of the 00s

Here's a list I compiled for Facebook a few years back that I'm unearthing for the Shallow End. I've included a few games from the past couple of years to make the post a bit more current. These titles will likely show up somewhere on the inevitable 2010s list that will follow sometime in my late 20s and early 30s, which would put my nerd-dom level between "hopelessly desperate" and Val Kilmer in "Real Genius." You've been warned.

If there's one thing I love more than movies, it's sitting in a darkened room by myself on Saturday nights screaming obscenities at ten year olds on Xbox Live. At least, in the past ten years, the medium has become a bit more socially acceptable, stereotypes furthered in Grandma's Boy notwithstanding. While no game will ever dethrone Galaga's place in my heart, here are the titles from the 2000s that attempted that feat.

Honorable Mention: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002), Manhunt (2004), Guitar Hero (2005), Star Wars: Battlefront 2 (2005), Gears of War (2006)

20. Black (PS2, 2006)
Predating the Xbox 360/PS3 generation by only a couple of months, this drop-dead gorgeous FPS for the PS2 and original 'Box was gun porn, eye candy, and frustratingly sparse narrative action all rolled into one. The game only lasted a few hours even on the hardest difficulty setting, and the story (I use the term loosely) wasn't anything to write home about, but damn if it didn't look simply stunning, and continues to inspire awe visually today. The lack of a sequel due to what I have to believe were sour sales (I didn't buy the thing, even the draw of fighting with gold-plated weapons couldn't convince me to shell out fifty bucks for a few hours of entertainment) is a crime against humanity.

19. Shadow of the Colossus (PS2, 2006)
Another late classic for the PS2, Shadow of the Colossus was the spiritual successor to the excellent Ico. Where Ico bucked the traditional action/adventure/platformer trend, Colossus went all tabula rasa and rewrote the rules of design-specifically, that you needed an environment filled with enemies. Instead, in this game you only fight a handful of foes-all of which occupy an area about 3,000 times that of your character. The developers did an astounding job of making you care about the characters and introducing moral quandaries to gameplay years before Bioshock did it most famously.

18. Borderlands (360, 2009)
I put this game on the list despite the fact that I've only played it for about three hours now, that's how damn good it is. Gearbox has managed to take a formula that has paid dividends in the past few years-mixing RPG elements with FPS action-and introduced a looting system in a beautiful, post-apocalyptic cel-shaded environment that arrests your attention both while playing and otherwise. There are definitely some minor kinks in hit detection, and the complete lack of narrative is a bit troubling, but these are quibbles for an open-world, loot-heavy RPG shooter that promises hours of fun during several thrilling playthroughs.
Note: I completed the game about two weeks after posting this list originally, and it's payoff more than made up for the potential on display in its first several hours. This game is so hopelessly deep and addictive that I was afraid the cable repair van down the street had bugged my room.

17. Timesplitters: Future Perfect (PS2, 2005)
As I, using the character model shaped most recognizably like the Hamburger Helper mitt, swung a baseball bat into a crowd of zombie monkeys in a beat-crazy disco while chased by several other human-controlled characters online for the seventh time in an hour, I realized just how incredible this particular iteration of Timesplitters was. To be sure, the Timesplitters franchise has hit the mark every single time with a shooter experience that is both responsive, fun, and downright hilarious. Future Perfect added online multiplayer to the mix, and it was pure heaven. Here's hoping Crytek gets down to making a worthy successor to Future Perfect very soon.

16. Psychonauts (PS2, 2005)
Tim Schafer's look into the minds of several troubled individuals at a summer camp for children with psychic abilities was disturbing, hilarious, and perfect platforming action all rolled into one. Though the gaming public at large overlooked this gem, I look back with fond memories on this title. I wasted most of my own summer trying to clear censors from the minds of the troubled inhabitants of Camp Whispering Rock.

15. Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne (PS2, 2003)
I'm not a huge of film noir, or pinot noir for that matter. However, the insane gunplay of the Max Payne series drew me into the first game. In the second, the formula is perfected as the gamer plunges deeper into the perturbed mind of Max Payne with flurries of bullets, action reloads involving flowing leather jackets, and deeply reflective (to the point of nausea) inner monologues. I knew Max would end up with Mona, but I can't wait to see what's happened to him in the meantime when Max Payne 3 releases this year.

14. The Warriors (PS2, 2005)
Rockstar brought back the visceral thril of beat 'em ups like River City Ransom with this adaptation of the cult classic film. The look and feel of the game is identical to that of the iconic movie as Rockstar showcases its ability to set a mood through storytelling for seemingly the 90th time of the decade. I loved the flashback sequences that allowed you to garner some real emotional attachment to each of the members of the titular gang, and then replay the escape sequence from the film in the second half of the title. The fact that the backwards compatibility of the 360 has not extended to include the original Xbox version of this game is a crime against humanity.

13. Freedom Fighters (PS2, 2003)
From the guys who would eventually bring us the underwhelming Kane and Lynch: Dead Men came what amounted to an imagining of the plot of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 six years earlier. The Soviets, who dropped an atomic bomb on Berlin before the Americans could do so in the Pacific, eventually invade the Americas in the early 20th Century. You play an unlikely hero, Chris Stone, a plumber (aren't all video game heroes?) who starts out trying to save his brother from the invading Ruskies but ends up liberating most of New England from the Commie threat. The squad-based shooting mechanics were fantastic for a PS2-era game, and the story had some real weight to it. An unacknowledged gem.

12. New Super Mario Bros. Wii (Wii, 2009)
Take a classic 2D platforming formula, thrown in simultaneous four-player support and some motion controls, and you've got yourself a fantastic throwback title. NSMBWii will make you hate all of your roommates for bumping you off a platform while trying to grab some coins, even though you both are seemingly attempting to save the princess, who's been kidnapped again. Who cares that we've seen it all before? The fresh coat of paint both graphically and gameplay-wise make this an incredible, can't miss nostalgic title.

11. Bully (PS2, 2006)
Take Grand Theft Auto, throw in equal parts schoolyard charm and adolescent mischief, and you've got yourself a very impressive and focused open-world title. Jimmy Hopkins is both a sympathetic and fiendish protagonist, emotions Rockstar is used to fostering with its main characters. The highlight for me, of course, was the Halloween night pranking, but the whole game-which spans one school year at a strict New England boarding school, is entertaining from start to finish. Think interactive "Wonder Years."

10. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2, 2004)
Quite possibly my most anticipated game of the decade, I still remember driving to the store after cross country practice to pick this game up. Gamestop was having a cookout and giving away tons of free shit, but I went in, grabbed, the game, and got the hell out of Dodge, because I knew what was waiting for me. Over 100 hours of pure, unbridled open-world crime goodness. I played the hell out of this thing well into 2005 (I had to get all of the graffiti tags in Los Santos, right?) and the only complaint I have to this day is that the focus of the narrative was lost in the sheer vastness of the world in which the game took place. But can that really be considered a complaint?

9. Bioshock (360, 2007)
There are so many images from this game that will never, EVER leave my head. One involving a putter comes to mind immediately. The team behind the incredible System Shock 2 (which missed topping this list by about 4 months) brought that gameplay into the 21st Century with a gut-wrenching morality play you participated in. The atmosphere, the gunplay, the RPG elements...it all blended beautifully to create a truly breathtaking experience.

8. Batman: Arkham Asylum (360, 2009)
You know the Joker is going to break out. That's about the only thing you can expect in this incredible game adaptation of the Batman universe. There's a focused story here, incredible stealth elements, and a truly maniacal Joker voiced by Mark "I Almost Had Sex with My Ficitional Sister" Hamill. Oh, did I mention the game looks absolutely beautiful? The combat mechanics are inspired and the inclusion of hidden messages from all of Batman's most sought-after villains makes this a nerd's (like myself) paradise.

7. Assassin's Creed 2 (360, 2009)
Ubisoft took everything that was wrong with the first game, scrapped it, and left the incredibly intriguing conspiracy story intact to create a historical panorama that the gamer can't help but be sucked into. Combat is still very satisfying and the villas of the Italian Renaissance are truly breathtaking. Bravo to the developers for making a sequel that surpasses the original in almost every single way.

6. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (360, 2007)
The game that may have given me stomach ulcers. I still know my way around Wetwork blindfolded and I hear shouts of "Tango Down!" in my sleep. Though this year's iteration continued to incite ravenous multiplayer hunger in my mind, it did little to build upon the inspired setup of the first game, which clearly had superior single-player set-pieces and built the foundation for the FPS juggernaut that everyone will have to try to dethrone in the next decade.

5. Super Mario Galaxy (Wii, 2007)
Whereas Mario 64 had everyone's favorite plumber moving to the 3D plane for the first time, this title gave us the first glimpse of the potential of motion controls in a platformer while creating mind-bending gravity puzzles and gameplay that challenge gamers of all persuasions. That must be the reason Galaxy is the first game getting a true sequel since Super Mario World on the SNES. I can't friggin' wait.

4. Halo: Combat Evolved (Xbox, 2001)
I didn't own an Xbox, but thanks to the popularity of LAN parties that didn't stop me from logging probably over 100 hours on this game. I remember hours of CTF games on Chill Out with shotguns the night before high school cross country meets, and the thrills of sticking newbs with grenades and pistol whipping them in the back of the face. Halo also sported the most satisfying weapon-the scoped pistol-in all of gaming. Who didn't love spawning with that thing, watching your opponent's shield disappear with two shots, and then finishing them off, sending their body falling limply to the ground? Did I mention my violent streak began around 2001?

3. Fallout 3 (360, 2008)
The Fallout series was great in its own right in its isometric RPG PC days, but Bethesda took the formula, instituted its Morrowind first person touch, and created an instant genre-bursting classic. What begins as a search for your father becomes a struggle for survival in the irradiated Wasteland created by, what else?, nuclear Armageddon. The final chapter of the game, with a giant Commie-hating robot laying waste to guys you would have no chance of killing in the beginning of the game with your puny 1st-level rank, is up there in terms of all-time satisfying video game moments. Can't wait for the sequel (PLEASE make it an online MMORPG).

2. Half-Life 2: The Orange Box (360, 2007)
Half-Life 2 on its own is an incredible achievement in the first person genre, mixing puzzle, driving, and shooting elements together with a story and characters that have real emotional weight, but you throw in Team Fortress 2, Portal, and the episodic content that continues the Half-Life 2 story and you've got an incredible title that really gets you bang for your buck. Gordon Freeman, world's greatest physicist, awakes from stasis to find that creepy guy with the suitcase needing more help in the near future. As you save mankind, you realize just how fucked up all those Combine bastards really are. The tease at the end of Episode 2 really isn't fair, especially when you consider it's been two years and we still haven't heard anything about Episode 3's release date. Let's finish this fight, please!

1. Grand Theft Auto 3 (PS2, 2001)
I remember popping this game in the PS2 disc tray, the first time I'd played the system, and being completely overwhelmed by the world that surrounded me. I wasted days playing GTA2 on my original Playstation in my late-90s gaming frenzy, but nothing compared to the fully 3D world filled with seemingly endless possibilities that lay before me. Consequently, I wasted months driving around Liberty City as Claude Speed, the mute psychopath who probably killed over 100,000 inhabitants of the city during my reign of terror. There was so much to do...I remember wasting days just trying to get the game's clipped-wing plane to fly around the city, seeing which buildings were solid, which were transparent, and warping myself to different places in the city during my pursuits. When the glitches in a game become sources of entertainment, you know you have a contender for best game of the decade.

The Best of the '10s (so far):

Red Dead Redemption (360, 2010)
As you can probably tell from the list compiled above, I'm a bit of a Rockstar Games fanboy. I divulge this information with no shame whatsoever, when the studio consistently produces titles of stellar quality. RDR was no different, taking gamers through a Wild West adventure that nailed the shooting mechanics in a third-person action game to an unprecedented degree and toyed with notions of storytelling in an industry-revolutionizing way. Seriously, the final two or three hours you spend during the campaign will make you appreciate everything that has come before, and presents a protagonist that pulls at the heartstrings in a way Rockstar just couldn't do with its other big-budget, open world title of this generation (you may have heard of Grand Theft Auto IV). Redemption (in a way its predecessor, Red Dead Revolver, couldn't dream of doing) made the Western a viable platform for an action-packed adventure in the medium, and further proved the stellar pedigree of its publisher.

Donkey Kong Country Returns (Wii, 2010)
As a child of the Donkey Kong Country generation, I watched the first few gameplay videos for DKCR and swooned in anticipation. A stunningly beautiful game that, as a kid who grew up playing the SNES titles can attest to, just feels right as a platformer, DKCR takes the model provided by New Super Mario Bros. and adds pizzazz, speed, and the right amount of nostalgia to create not only one of the greatest re-imaginings in the history of the medium, but perhaps the greatest platform game to date on any system. The drop-in drop-out co-op ensured that my memories of rollicking through the jungle with my dad and brother as a grade-schooler could be relived in the living room of my college home. And that's to say nothing of the ridiculous soundtrack, which manages to both retain the sound of the original while bringing the score up to date for a new generation. Bravo, Retro Studios, bravo.